Inner Circle: The friends and family who are with you every step of the way. They ask how your doctors appointments go, how you’re feeling, they heat up your heating pad, and they love you for you.
Outer Circle: The friends you keep at an arm’s distance. They are great to laugh with and have fun with, but they are not people you share it all with. These people help make you feel some semblance of normalcy, but you know that they are not dedicated enough to make it to the inner circle. BY ALL MEANS, they should know you have endometriosis and that life is hard, but they don’t need the daily/hourly updates like the inner circle.
The ones who can just f*ck off: You could call them the assholes if you will. They don’t believe you’re in pain, they don’t want to understand, and they are completely self-absorbed. You will know who these people are right off the bat. DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME! With that said I happened to dance at a dance company full of these people for a year and a half before leaving so I am kind of the poster child for giving way too many chances. Your gut will tell you who these people are. They talk down to you, they don’t respect your strength, and they don’t make any effort. You are already in chronic pain so stop making all the effort. Cut yourself a break. Your fatigue-ridden body will thank you, trust me.
How to Differentiate: this is a tough one. The inner-circle people will make themselves known no question. They will want to know your whole story, and they will ask you more than once how things are going. To find this support group you do need to test out the waters. UGH. Give people the chance to learn and grow. After you tell your story, look at their faces. Are they shocked and saddened by the pain you’ve been through or are they uninterested and give a generic “wow that sucks”. The people who are genuine keep them around. Every once in a while mention how much pain you’re in. They will either gloss over the subject or they will become invested. The invested people are your inner circle. The gloss over people can be your outer circle.
The balance between outer circle and f*ck off people is delicate. The main thing is respect. The outer circle people may not ask you how you are very often, but at the end of the day they respect your story, and want to hang around because they enjoy your company. The f*ck off people don’t respect what you have gone through. They give you the generic response and sometimes openly disrespect your fight. The people who play your disease off like it’s nothing are in this category.
Let’s Sum it Up:
Inner Circle:
- Invested in your pain
- Show genuine empathy
- Want to do what they can to help
- MAKE AN EFFORT
Outer Circle:
- Hang out with you because they enjoy your company
- Respect what you have gone through and the person you are
- May not ask about your pain very often
F*ck Off:
- Openly disrespect your journey
- Show no effort towards trying to understand your story
- Completely uninterested in the subject of your pain
- Ignorant with no interest in changing